Month: July 2020

Yup, this is a serious one, you guys.

I was at a bit of a loss in terms of what to make of my #AWordAWeek this time – care. And the more I think about it, the more of this keeps coming up. A realisation I had in a session recently.

For starters, I was completely sure that self care is one of those terms I didn’t relate to at all. Every time I’m asked to think about ‘self care’ I conjure up all these images of people advising others to love yourself, to discover your own joys, or just overall massive lectures on how to live and think. In fact, I’ve done this too to a lot of friends, but somehow I just couldn’t relate to it in a positive way. And even worse are all those self care practitioners who seem to think it’s all about treating yourself to a facial and pedicure in the name of self care. Self care is a beautiful and simple concept, and yet somewhere down the Instagram route, it’s become preachy and, dare I say it, almost fake.

So no, I declared, the term ‘self care’ is something I can’t relate to at all.

But then we talked more. And more. And came up with multiple instances in life where I had taken decisions for self preservation. Quitting a high paying corporate job that went against my core principles to save myself from a complete mental burnout. Refusing to fall to society’s expectations of having a child. Doing what I knew was right for me in multiple circumstances, even if it wasn’t right for others. And guess what came up as the term for it in my head – selfishness.

That’s when I realised that the world has a funny way of making you feel bad about taking care of yourself. So what if something is good for you. YOU are never their highest priority. And if YOU are your own highest priority, then how dare you be so selfish.

This might seem obvious as you read this, but when this hit me, it hit me hard. Because the amount of guilt and trauma latching onto each supposed ‘selfish’ act is enough to drown you at any point of time. I felt a sudden release inside me, of yet another label I was letting go.

So the next time someone calls you selfish, before you take it to your heart and register in your head, take a deep breath, sit back and think. Is it, really?

Yes, I know, just yesterday I declared that I was in fact an ambivert. But the more I think about it, the more I realise that I’m somewhere in between the in-between.

There’s a reason I hate labels.

But whatever you are, you figure out your own weird ways to navigate this uber-social (pre-pandemic) world. Here are some of mine.

1. Cellphones can be your knights in shining armour. Sure, they’re your access to social media, news and all those distractions that are so much easier than having actual meaningful human interactions. But more than anything else, they’re super useful for ‘pretend’ calls, to walk out from awkward social situations with your head held high (and the phone stuck to your ear).
2. Embrace being called a snob. When you’re too shy to go up to people and start conversations, even if you’d really like to, people assume you think you’re too good for them. You can try explaining your situation to them to change their mind, but then for that, you would have to talk to them first. So just get used to it. Revel in it. There really isn’t much choice.
3. Learn to switch personalities. Unless you’re one of those lucky ones whose job involves sitting behind a laptop with limited humans, at some point you’ll have to figure out how to put on a mask and just get out there.
4. Learn to tune out. This I’ve perfected, without ever having meant to. But being stuck in big groups that I don’t necessarily care about – this has been a life skill that I’ve come to love more than others. Talk all you want, you babbling humans, I have warm bubble bath taking place in my head instead.
5. Keep your fridge and book shelf stocked. Because nothing beats curling up in bed with comfort food and an interesting read. All the zoom calls of the world don’t compare to this.
6. Love yourself. Because at the end of the day, the only person who has to accept you is you – who you are, who you want to be. If you love being an introvert, great! If you don’t, pick up that phone and actually call someone new. Take up a challenging job. Go try a sales pitch. It’ll be fun (once you get over your initial apprehension), and if it isn’t, well you’ll know yourself just a little better.

Nine out of ten times, I don’t manage to push myself. I don’t speak to new people at parties. I don’t exude more energy than I actually feel. But that one time I do get out and be social, I have a great time. And mostly, I’m okay with that statistic.

P.S. Of course with the way things are currently, being an introvert has been a blessing – I’ve been more at home than most, with very little adjustments. How have you coped?

Anxiety and fears have a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it. Specially these days. Yup, not a fun post.

1. Falling sick. This is probably a universal fear at the moment. But a lot of us in office were continuously sick since Oct’19. And you’d think we’d be used to it by now. But even the slightest feeling of a scratchy throat now sends me running for green tea with honey (probably the only thing that sends me running for green tea).
2. Wondering what pajamas do to self esteem. Remember those times you dressed up and felt good about yourself? Remember when that last happened?!
3. Updates of people stepping out and hanging out with other people. I know, I know. Live and let live. Except I’m not sure if the letting live here is actually endangering lives.
4. Being far from family. Times like this make you question your life choices more than anything else. And I constantly find myself imagining worst case scenarios. Yup, cheerful place, my head.
5. The fact that time isn’t actually standing still. That we can’t just cancel 2020. That when the jokes die down, we are in fact growing older, losing opportunities, and the clock is still ticking.
6. The fact that I have to stay away from news to maintain sanity. And then half panic about not knowing what’s happening in the world. And look up the news. And then panic about what’s actually happening in the world (or our country for that matter. India makes up for 99% of panic / frustrated mode on most days).
7. Lizards. This is just a constant. What’s worse than being stuck at home? Being stuck at home with a creepy crawly.

It helps to be lazy, sometimes.

1. Roti / Chapatis have no real reason to be round. They phoolo / taste just as good if they’re square or look like the map of India. Making them round is just some unrealistic expectation put on people to make them feel inadequate their entire lives. (So what if you’re a CXO, can you make round rotis? What will you do when you get married?)
2. The house doesn’t need to be cleaned every day. Or even every alternate day. Twice a week works. Or even *cough* once *cough* a week. Wear slippers so your feet don’t make you realise just how dirty the floor is. Or don’t have white tiled floors. Or well, limit your eyesight to the upper half of the rooms.
3. Somedays, the bed is just fine to work from. We’re all allowed our can’t-get-out-of-bed days, okay?
4. Khichri doesn’t get enough credit. I feel bad for all the times I made a face as a kid when khichri was served. Now, it’s turned into our lockdown savior.
5. Maggi is over-rated. There’s really only so much of it you can have, beyond a point.
6. You actually only need a total of 5 t-shirts and 2 shorts / pajamas. Lesser if you’re diligent with washing.
7. Zoom calls don’t need to be video calls. You don’t HAVE to look good. Messy hair, torn clothes, minimal grooming, no differentiation between night / day. The camera on your phone / laptop doesn’t HAVE to work *wink* *wink*
8. It pays to join the society Whatsapp group. We’ve been here 6.5 years. We joined this group now. Because for the first time in our lives, we realised we need to know what’s happening in the society. When the vegetable vendor is coming. When we turned into a containment zone. We also end up privy to a lot of uncle-aunty talk that’s hilarious at best, and downright family-group material at worst. Either way, it’s part of our minimal lockdown entertainment. (I’ve witnessed more fights on this group than on Splitsvilla).